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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24409519">about the boy</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rehearsal_Dweller/pseuds/Rehearsal_Dweller'>Rehearsal_Dweller</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Newsies!: the Musical - Fierstein/Menken</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Canon Era, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 05:20:17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,175</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24409519</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rehearsal_Dweller/pseuds/Rehearsal_Dweller</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>"I see how you look at him, Davey, and I - I know how that look feels. Talk to me. Please?"</i>
</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Racetrack Higgins/David Jacobs, background Jack Kelly/Katherine Plumber, one-sided David Jacobs/Jack Kelly</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>82</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>about the boy</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I don't have a good reason for this besides being on a bit of a Ravey kick I guess? Featuring Sad Davey and Protective Race because that's my jam.<br/>This actually came from rereading my own fic - I was basically like, what if Race had been right at the beginning of SYFAMLF and Davey <i>was</i> heartbroken over Jack and Kath's engagement? and then a whole fic happened yikes. clearly my self-control is minimal when it comes to fic writing.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Race hasn’t seen Davey in almost an hour.</p>
<p>He knows the older boy hasn’t left yet, because Les is still playing marbles with some of the other younger boys and Davey wouldn’t ever leave Les behind. Plus he’d have come around to say goodbye.</p>
<p>Race watches Jack pull Katherine in for another kiss. He frowns, a small suspicion taking root. He sticks his head out the window and there, leaning back against the fire escape stairs and looking up at the dark sky, is Davey.</p>
<p>“Heya, Daves,” Race says, slipping out the window to join him. “Mind if I sit with you?”</p>
<p>“Go ahead,” replies Davey.</p>
<p>“You okay?”</p>
<p>Davey seems slightly startled by the question, flinching almost imperceptibly and looking over at Race. “Why wouldn’t I be? We just made history. Crutchie’s back from the Refuge. Everything’s – <em>great.”</em></p>
<p>“S’just,” Race says, eying his friend, “you’s out here alone. Party’s inside.”</p>
<p>“Maybe I just needed a little quiet,” says Davey.</p>
<p>“You’ve been gone a while, Davey,” Race says. “And you seem – I dunno. I was worried.”</p>
<p>Davey huffs a laugh. “Don’t worry about me, Race, it’s not worth the energy.”</p>
<p>“Ain’t how it works, bud,” says Race. “And anyway, I think you’re worth it. Smart guy like you, who looks out for us and can turn a half thought out scheme’a Jack’s into a real live striking union? You deserve every bit’a care you get.”</p>
<p>Race watches Davey as he speaks, and sees the way his friend’s breath catches on Jack’s name.</p>
<p>That’s a damned shame.</p>
<p>“If you say so, Race,” Davey replies, a little dull. He puts a hand on Race’s shoulder. “I’m fine, though, really. Go back to the party; it’s all just a little to hectic for me.”</p>
<p>Race knows a lie when he hears one, but he also knows a dismissal. He’s not going to press Davey on this, because he knows it won’t get him anywhere.</p>
<p>“Okay,” Race says. He moves back toward the window. “If you change your mind, though, lemme know, okay? F’you wanna talk, I’ll listen.”</p>
<p>“Right,” says Davey, already looking like he’s drifting back into his own head. “Thanks, Racer.”</p>
<p>--</p>
<p>When Jack proposes to Katherine, Race goes looking for Davey.</p>
<p>He’s waited, until now, for Davey to come to him if he needs to. Davey hasn’t, not because he hasn’t needed someone, necessarily, but because he doesn’t want to rely on anyone. Or maybe because he doesn’t feel safe enough to be honest about the problem.</p>
<p>But Race knows. Race knows this problem intimately, the heartache and the fear and he doesn’t want Davey to feel alone.</p>
<p>He can’t say that, though, not straight out. Not right away.</p>
<p>So instead he catches Davey by the arm as he walks. Pulls him into an alley. “Davey. I heard about Jack and Kathy.”</p>
<p>“That so?” Davey’s voice is a little cold, a little confused.</p>
<p>“I was just wonderin’ how you’re doin’,” Race says. He keeps his own tone even, soft.</p>
<p>“I’m happy for them,” Davey says. “They’re my best friends, they make each other so happy. How could I not be happy for them?”</p>
<p>Race drops his voice a little more, so only Davey will hear him. “Sure, you’re happy for them. How’s you feelin’ about <em>you</em>? I see how you look at him, Davey and –“</p>
<p>“Race,” Davey says, and he looks pained.</p>
<p>“Davey, Daves, I know how that look feels,” says Race. He moves to hold onto Davey’s other arm with his free hand, so he’s got a gentle grip on both his forearms and a little bubble of safety between them. “I <em>know</em>. Talk to me, are you okay?”</p>
<p>“No,” Davey admits, barely more than a breath. “It really seemed – for a minute –“ His voice breaks on the last word and he falls silent.</p>
<p>“Yeah, honey, I know,” Race says. It’s soft, just for Davey. “He ain’t good at holdin’ back when he don’t plan on followin’ through.”</p>
<p>Davey shakes his head.</p>
<p>“Doubt it’ll make you feel any better,” says Race, “but for a while there it looked like he really was the same over you.”</p>
<p>Davey squeezes his eyes shut tight. “It doesn’t. But thank you. At least I guess I know it wasn’t all in my head.”</p>
<p>“Ain’t half fair to you, though.”</p>
<p>“No.”</p>
<p>“I gotcha though, okay?” says Race. He slips his arms up and around Davey’s shoulders. “You ain’t alone. I gotcha.”</p>
<p>Davey’s arms wind around Race’s waist and for a moment he buries his face in Race’s shoulder. Race feels him shaking just a little, not quite full sobs but definitely the unsteady breaths of someone in tears. His heart aches for his friend; heartbreak is a bitch, and Jack Kelly is fucking intoxicating. Even if Jack hadn’t been a little caught up on Davey, it would’ve been hard for Davey not to get tangled up in him.</p>
<p>But he is, and that just makes it all worse.</p>
<p>--</p>
<p>Davey sticks a little closer to Race after that. He doesn’t <em>avoid</em> Jack, exactly, but he doesn’t cling quite so close to him as he had before. Race can see that Jack has noticed, although he’s not sure Jack knows <em>why</em>.</p>
<p>Race can’t really say he minds; the longer he spends with Davey the more he appreciates the older boy’s quick wit and dry humor, which is easily lost in his generally soft spoken nature. So he just makes the space next to him when Davey joins the boys at Jacobi’s or when he comes around the lodging house. He knows Davey’s gravitating toward him because he <em>knows</em> and he’s <em>safe</em>, but Race can’t help but get attached.</p>
<p>More attached than he already was, that is.</p>
<p>He can feel his own heartbreak brewing, but it’s hard to resist letting Davey in.</p>
<p>So he doesn’t.</p>
<p>He makes the space, he snickers behind his hand at Davey’s latest snarky comment, he listens to Davey’s rambles about whatever comes to his mind.</p>
<p>He holds Davey when Jack asks him to stand as a groomsman, watching his friend’s heart break all over again.</p>
<p>It’s not fair.</p>
<p>“I know, baby, I know,” Race says into Davey’s hair, stroking down his spine. “I gotcha.”</p>
<p>“It hurts,” Davey mumbles.</p>
<p>“Yeah, love,” says Race. He kisses Davey’s temple. “I bet it smarts something awful.”</p>
<p>Davey pulls a little closer to Race, his hands fisted in Race’s shirt and his face buried in Race’s shoulder. “You’re too kind to me, Race, you really are. I don’t deserve this.”</p>
<p>“You deserve the world, Daves,” Race says. “And someone who’ll give it to you.”</p>
<p>Davey laughs into Race’s shirt. “Not by half, Race.”</p>
<p>--</p>
<p>Against what might be Race’s better judgment, when Davey asks if he’d like to be roommates someplace, Race says yes.</p>
<p>“Ya gonna kill ya’self, hung up on Davey like that,” Albert says, arms crossed, when Race tells him. “One’a these days it’ll be too much watchin’ him moon over Jack.”</p>
<p>“I’ll take what I can get,” says Race, ignoring the ache in his chest saying Albert’s right. “And anyway, if I live with Davey I’ll be able to eat. Ain’t like <em>you’s </em>offerin’ to split rent with me.”</p>
<p>“Just don’t come cryin’a me when your heart gets broke, dumbass,” Albert tells him. Race knows he doesn’t mean it though.</p>
<p>It’s not like he can go to Jack, anyway.</p>
<p>So they get an apartment, Race and Davey. It’s small, one bedroom. They outfit it with two beds, but the first cold gust of winter proves their window is less than sound and leaves the two of them huddled for warmth in one bed under every blanket they own.</p>
<p>When it starts to warm up again, Race makes to migrate back to his own, but –</p>
<p>“It’s easier to sleep if someone’s there,” Davey confesses one night, catching Race by the wrist. “I’ve never had my own bed before now and I – I didn’t realize how much I missed falling asleep to someone else’s breathing until that first night we shared.”</p>
<p>“Okay,” Race says, and he slides in next to Davey. He doesn’t need telling twice.</p>
<p>They wake up tangled in each other’s limbs most mornings, both tall and gangly with more arm and leg than they know what to do with. Race learns the beat of Davey’s heart and the sound of his breath as well as he knows his own.</p>
<p>They don’t talk about it.</p>
<p>Once, a few weeks before the wedding, Jack stays the night with them. They have to clear Race’s bed for him; it’s become something of a holding place for things that should have a home but don’t, and things just set down between uses.</p>
<p>Jack raises an eyebrow, watching Race pick up Davey’s books and his own little tinkering projects and find them other temporary homes. “Ain’t that your bed, Racer?”</p>
<p>“Don’t get a lotta use,” Race says, not looking Jack in the eye.</p>
<p>“What, you an’ Davey an item now?” There’s something off in Jack’s voice, but Race can’t place it. It’s a little strangled, caught.</p>
<p>“No.”</p>
<p>“Looks an awful lot like you are,” says Jack. That strange catch in his voice is still there.</p>
<p>“What’s it to you if we were?” Race replies. It’s not like Jack has any right to object to them being queer, even though Race is telling the truth.</p>
<p>“Just –“ Jack pauses. He sits heavily on the other bed – the one Davey and Race actually use. “You got somethin’ precious there, Race. Davey’s – he’s special, and if you break his heart I will fucking kill you.”</p>
<p>Race has to actively fight back the near hysterical laughter that’s bubbling up in his throat at that. How fucking <em>dare</em> Jack goddamn Kelly lecture Race of all people about breaking Davey’s heart?</p>
<p>Does he really not know?</p>
<p>How the <em>fuck</em> could Jack not know? Jack, who is usually one of the most emotionally intelligent people Race knows, missed all the huge fucking signs about how Davey feels? There’s no fucking way.</p>
<p>“Well you don’t have to worry about that,” Race says, and he manages to keep most of the venom from his voice. “’Cause Davey ain’t into me like that, and even if he were, he’s already had his heart broke. I wouldn’t put’im through that again.”</p>
<p>“Already?” Jack echoes, and there’s <em>still</em> that quiet catch in his voice and Race is realizing that it’s maybe a little bit of regret.</p>
<p>“Yeah, Jackie. Already.” Race sets a book down on the desk with maybe a little too much force. “And mine was the shoulder he cried on. So maybe don’t lecture me about shit you don’t understand.”</p>
<p>Davey comes back into the room before Jack can respond, and he looks from one to the other of them, confused, clearly feeling the tension in the room. “Is everything okay?”</p>
<p>“Yeah, Davey,” Jack says. Something heavy has settled behind his eyes. “We’re fine.”</p>
<p>--</p>
<p>Jack marries Katherine on a sunny Saturday afternoon, and it’s beautiful. They both look so happy.</p>
<p>Race spends the evening close to Davey, occasionally tangling their fingers together and squeezing the taller man’s hand for support. His heart aches – both for Davey, who’s soldiering through with a smile plastered on his face, and for himself, because he’s watching the cracks in Davey’s façade develop and <em>wishing</em> – but they carry on.</p>
<p>Davey kisses Race that night, and it breaks Race’s heart to pull away.</p>
<p>“Davey, I can’t.”</p>
<p>“Why?”</p>
<p>“I can’t just be your distraction, Davey-love. I <em>can’t</em>.”</p>
<p>They don’t talk about it.</p>
<p>--</p>
<p>Davey is different after the wedding. He’s not any less Davey than before, but there’s something that isn’t quite the same. If Race had to put it to words, he’d say it’s something like a weight off his friend’s shoulders – like maybe he’d been holding onto some painful hope, and now that any chance at all he might have had is gone, he can breathe again.</p>
<p>He’s a little gentler with Race now, too. Not that he was ever rough the way some of the other boys are, but he’s very conscious of Race’s feelings now in a way Race didn’t even realize he hadn’t been before.</p>
<p>Race is lying next to Davey in bed, staring up at the ceiling. He can’t sleep, his mind is racing. It’s far from the first time Race hasn’t been able to get his brain to shut up enough for him to fall asleep, and it definitely won’t be the last. Davey’s hand brushes against Race’s arm.</p>
<p>“Race?”</p>
<p>“Davey?” Race rolls onto his side to face Davey, their faces just a few inches apart. Race can’t really see Davey’s features at all; his close-up vision is for shit at the best of times, so this proximity would make Davey a fuzzy overlapping blur of features in the daytime, but combined with the darkness Davey is mostly just a smudge of slightly different colored shadow from the wall behind him. “Whatcha still doin’ awake?”</p>
<p>“I can practically hear you thinking,” Davey says, his voice just over a whisper.</p>
<p>“M’I keepin’ you up?” asks Race, his own voice hushed as well. “I’m sorry, Davey-love.”</p>
<p>“No, no, don’t apologize,” says Davey. “Is something bothering you? You usually don’t have this much trouble falling asleep.”</p>
<p>“Just too many thoughts,” Race tells him. “I can’t slow my mind down enough.”</p>
<p>“Anything in particular?” Davey asks. “Or would talking make it worse?”</p>
<p>“No,” Race says to both questions. “I dunno. I don’t wanna keep you up, Davey.”</p>
<p>“I don’t want you to not get any sleep, Race,” says Davey. “Don’t worry, okay?”</p>
<p>His hand slips up Race’s arm, coming to rest just under his jaw instead. Race sighs, relaxing into the gentle touch.</p>
<p>“Is something worrying you?” Davey asks softly. His thumb runs across Race’s jawbone.</p>
<p>Race hums. “No, not exactly. I’m just stuck on all the stuff I was thinking about all day.”</p>
<p>“Can I help at all?”</p>
<p>“This is helping.”</p>
<p>“Good.”</p>
<p>“It gives me something to focus on,” Race says. He yawns. “I like focusing on you.”</p>
<p>Davey chuckles. “It’s dark, Racer, you can’t focus on shit.”</p>
<p>“I was bein’ metaphorical,” Race says, giggling. “S’not like you can really see me either.”</p>
<p>“I can see better’n you,” says Davey.</p>
<p>“You can always see better’n me,” says Race.</p>
<p>Davey’s hand is still sitting just along the side of Race’s face. “It’s easier when we’re close like this. To see you in the dark, I mean.”</p>
<p>“God, I wonder what that’s like,” Race replies. He really desperately wishes he could make out Davey’s face right now, because it’s a little hard to read his tone when his voice is so hushed but Race doesn’t have any other cues for how Davey’s feeling. He brings the hand not curled under his head up to gesture vaguely toward Davey. “You’re just a Davey-voiced smudge.”</p>
<p>“You’ve got the moon on your side, too,” Davey says. “Your eyes really are hopeless.”</p>
<p>“Hopeless,” echoes Race, nodding.</p>
<p>“Nice to look at, though,” Davey continues. His hand comes up to rest on Race’s cheek, fingers weaving into the curls at his temple and his thumb skimming across his cheekbone. “The prettiest blue, not that I can see the color now. You’re all shades of grey.”</p>
<p>Race feels breathless. It takes him a moment to find his voice again. “Yeah?”</p>
<p>“Night vision,” Davey says, distracted, “isn’t full color.”</p>
<p>Race can feel Davey’s breath on his skin, can see weak moonlight falling across part of his face, though the features are still indistinct.</p>
<p>“Anyway, I don’t usually get to see the detail in them,” continues Davey. “You never let me this close in the daylight.”</p>
<p>“Why would you want to be?” says Race. There’s something constricted in his chest, it’s hard to breathe. This can’t be happening. Race is dreaming.</p>
<p>There’s no way Davey’s really saying –</p>
<p>“I really like you, Race.”</p>
<p>“Daves,” Race says, and it comes out pained and a little sad.</p>
<p>Davey sighs. He shifts a little, and Race isn’t sure what he’s doing until he feels a gentle press of lips to his forehead. Then Davey slides back, his hand finally leaving Race’s skin. “Forget it. I’m – I must be really tired, that just slipped out.”</p>
<p>“Daves,” Race says again. “Davey-love, what –“</p>
<p>“Race,” Davey says, almost painfully soft. “I’ve been in love with you for months.”</p>
<p>Race, almost entirely involuntarily, lets out a little tiny sound from the back of his throat. “You don’t – you don’t mean that. Not me. <em>Me</em>?”</p>
<p>“I mean it,” says Davey. “I mean you. It’s alright, I know you don’t feel the same.”</p>
<p>Race surges forward, closing the handful of inches between his face and Davey’s. It’s a little misplaced, since Race can’t quite tell where Davey’s lips are, but that’s okay. It’s not a long kiss, more a point to be made than anything else. He rolls onto his back, looking up at the ceiling again. “Daves, I’ve been gone over you for two years.”</p>
<p>“Then why –“</p>
<p>“You were just – you were hurting over Jack,” Race says. “I couldn’t handle just being the way you distracted yourself from that, Davey. I can’t.”</p>
<p>“That’s not what this is,” says Davey. “I’m in love with <em>you</em>, Race – your tinkering and your secret smarts and your cheating at cards and your cigars. That’s not about being caught up on anybody else.”</p>
<p>“Prove it,” says Race. He doesn’t know why, but it feels like the only way to clear this tight feeling in his chest. “Kiss me in the daylight tomorrow, Davey-love. Show me that you aren’t just lonely and tired and wishing I was someone else.”</p>
<p>Davey’s arm winds around Race’s shoulders, pulling him into an embrace. “Okay.”</p>
<p>--</p>
<p>Race doesn’t remember falling asleep last night, which tells him that he probably did dream that whole strange conversation with Davey. It definitely felt like a dream at the time.</p>
<p>He wakes up first, slipping out of bed (and Davey’s arms) and going out to their kitchen to investigate whether they had any food worth turning into breakfast.</p>
<p>It’s a shock, then, when Davey slides his arms around Race’s waist from behind while he’s standing at the stove. Race makes a startled sound, twisting around in Davey’s arms to look his friend in the face.</p>
<p>“Hey, you,” Davey says. He’s got this soft, easy smile on his face and he’s looking into Race’s eyes and they’re close enough that he’s maybe a little out of focus but Race doesn’t mind. “It’s daylight; may I kiss you?”</p>
<p>“I’m still dreaming,” Race says.</p>
<p>Davey laughs. “I promise you aren’t. Is that a yes?”</p>
<p>“Yes, please Davey, kiss me,” says Race.</p>
<p>And he does. A little neater than last night, aided by both of them being able to see what they’re doing. They break apart so Race can finish making breakfast, but Davey tangles their fingers together on the table while they eat.</p>
<p>“Do you believe me now, Race?” Davey says. “I love you, do you believe me?”</p>
<p>Race pauses, thinking. Mulling over last night, but also the handful of months that have passed since Jack’s wedding.</p>
<p>“Yeah, Davey-love. I do.”</p>
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